Compassion In The Virtual Space: How The Grievery Is Changing Grief Support

If you’ve ever grieved, you know how lonely it can feel. And if you’ve ever wanted to support someone through their grief — but aren’t sure what they need or how to support them — you know how helpless that can feel. It’s not unusual for someone grieving to just want to cry it out alone — in part because many people feel shame around grief and also because we don’t want to burden others with our sadness — but healing doesn’t happen alone; healing happens in community. Enter, The Grievery.

The Grievery was founded in the Berkshires by Rebecca Churt, but it’s primarily a virtual space. Churt recognizes how busy people are and that grief comes when it comes and doesn’t care about your second job, kids’ practices, or the unfolded laundry heaped on the couch. “Many people who drop in are working multiple jobs and are also caregiving in some capacity, and that means we don't necessarily have time to drive across the county to get to an appointment,” Churt says. “The intention in creating a virtual meeting space was both for price point and ease of use.”

When she founded The Grievery, Churt had just graduated from MIT’s rigorous MBA program, which is focused on “having the answers” and problem-solving. “I took a hardcore lean in the opposite direction and said, ‘We don't need to have any answers right now,’” Churt explains. “What we need to do is spend more time in this liminal space, the space of not knowing, the space of pausing, the space of really deep soul reflection and using that as a way in which to inform what has been lost. What are we losing? What needs to die? What no longer serves?”

Before earning her MBA, Churt was in a leadership role at Kripalu, and it’s an understatement to say she understands life and death — both literal, metaphorical, and metaphysical — in a wide range of arenas, from meditation rooms to the boardroom. “Business as usual is failing, and there's no roadmap or blueprint for how to navigate this world,” Churt says. “What kept showing up repeatedly was a missing language for navigating human complexity, including the emotions, especially within challenges.”

In a culture known for burying emotions, grief can be looked at as something that comes during times of extreme loss and then goes, I suppose, “back where it came from,” and then we return to the grind of daily life until the next big loss shows up and blindsides us, in part because we didn’t fully process the previous losses.

“The Grievery is essentially this one-hour, beautiful gathering where, at minimum, you're coming in and just talking about your experience with grief or loss, and most often, it is after someone has experienced the death of a loved one,” Churt says, adding that people start to come back week after week and can choose how frequently they choose to come. “It’s a practice of dipping into grief and stepping back out,” she says.

Churt is clear that grief stories aren’t limited to losing a family member or loved one to death, and that grief includes friendships ending, careers dissolving, a general ache for our ailing planet, and more. Sometimes grief shows up in midlife for people who don’t feel like they’re on the right path, and this can manifest as regret — for missed opportunities, paths not taken, words not spoken — which packs a heavy punch.

“If you never attuned to your soul at midlife, it will show up even more loudly at the end of life,” Churt says. Churt explains that this letting go at times of loss and change parallels what happens when someone is dying. While it might be on a micro level, the mechanics are similar and the results can be profound.

The Grievery offers Grief Gatherings on a drop-in basis for people to share their grief stories as well as Workshops + Trainings, and one-on-one support. Churt is a death doula and grief guide offering end-of-life planning and care. She supports individuals of all ages as they maneuver through times of transition with confidence and grace. “I hold space and create an atmosphere of compassion and empowerment in which people feel more equipped to work through whatever lies ahead with clarity and courage,” she says.

For those local to the Berkshires, Churt offers end-of-life planning, caring, and support, plus Events + Workshops. Starting December 1, Churt is leading an eight-week workshop based on the work of Francis Weller’s book The Wild Edge of Sorrow, which offers hope and healing through the central message: “At the core of this grief is our longing to belong.”